A sad day in history

I'm so pissed, all these fuc*(&*ing democrats won! I'm done with voting FOREVER! This country sucks!

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Portsmouth
by Keen

health updates and other stuff

Went in for my 2 month cancer screen yesterday, all is well. My voice is better than it's been in 8 years! Makes meetings more fun, I'm able to resume the consulting part of my business as well.

Business is growing at a rapid pace, we added 2 new accounts this week! My guys are off today so I'm going solo, I'll probably only work until 1pm or so because of the heat.

Still adding friends and contributing to Inside919, not much happening with it so far, just a lot of contacts, posts, comments, etc. I did, however quickly decide that Podcasting was a complete waste of time, my customers voted in a survey and only like 4% of them said they'd even listen. I see a lot of posts about all these networking events, just don't have the time to attend, I think that's great, it's nice to be THAT busy and not really need the extra business!

Updates

Another long week ahead, unlike some business owners, I'm a working owner. I'm actually out in the field with the crews every day making sure every job is done to my high standards. Sitting in an office just won't accomplish the results I need nor produce work standards like we have. I'm enjoying Inside919, no leads from it yet but it's a new site and anything new takes time. For me it's a good fit as I don't have time for the network "lunches" that you see cropping up everywhere. I did these meetings for years and found them to be counterproductive whereas online networking can be done anytime.

It's been 4 weeks since I completed my radiation and I'm definitely noticing differences. The most major one is my voice is better than it's been in 5 years! It's nice to be able to speak clearly and loudly if needed, lol. It was worth all the pain!

Summer Party! August 9th!

SummerParty 2008X - Upload a Document to Scribd

Read this document on Scribd: SummerParty 2008X

Getting ready for a really long week!

With the businesses growing and the rain every few days we are swamped with work. This upcoming week promises to be one of the busiest ever. I guess I should be happy because that means profit! I'm ready for cooler weather and it's only the 5th of July, ugh! The burned area on my neck is completely healed and the nausea is gone as well:) It's now been three weeks since my last treatment. I gotta say the whole cancer thing really taught me who my REAL friends were. Folks that I found weren't true friends I've severed ties with, something I should have done years ago as there were a lot of "dead weight" friends on the list. Best part is, throughout all this I've met a lot of NEW friends!

Health Updates

My burns are gone & healed, sore throat better, and the sick stomach gone as well. It's still only been 2.5 weeks since I finished up my radiation, it'll be a couple of months before I'm back to my old self again.....

My take on all this networking stuff

Everywhere I look I see blogs or meeting type groups related to "networking", they appear like ants to sugar. My personal experience with networking is as follows: I was in several chapters of 2 different networking groups in the Triangle Area for 3 years with outstanding attendance. I also I acquired around 8 clients from this 3 year venture. I also learned that networking itself involves a LOT of time and most of the folks that are really into it have way too much time on their hands. That time spent SELLING, running leads, placing really good creative ads in the right places would net far better results. If they were doing these things they wouldn't have the time nor need to do all the networking. I DO, however recommend a couple of websites to get your business name out on, inside919.com, Craigslist.org, and Linkedin are my top 3. You don't have to attend silly meetings, you get results without a lot of time or money, and can monitor what others are doing to expand their businesses. When I was in all these weekly lunch meetings, I met some great people and ate a lot of good food, however to develop business my time would have been better spent elsewhere. Most of the really good leads I acquired were gotten outside these groups. I'm certainly not an expert, however I've been successfully self employed since 1990 and have bought and sold a couple of businesses as well as been successful in the corporate world back before I became self employed. People frequently come to me for advice when either starting a new business, selling an established business, or other entrepreneurial adventures. Inquire about my consulting rates if interested. I'm currently getting ready to start our second branch of our business along the North Carolina Coast!

Treatments over, complications running rampant!

Although the treatments are over the severe complications remain....I have 3rd degree burns all over my neck which don't seem to be healing and still have a sore throat. Funny how they don't tell you that once you're done you may have major problems for years to come. I DO NOT recommend radiation to anyone, had I known that I'd have all these problems for this time I would have just had it taken out and had little voice. The burns are beyond bearable.....

I'm done, Let's Party!

All treatments are OVER!!!!!!!!!! It's Fiesta Party Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tonight I'm gonna party like there's no more radiation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Heck yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Party! Let's do some shots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Tequila!

One More day to go!

My throat is now very sore, so much that I'm choking on my own saliva. My skin on my neck is burned to the point that it's cracked open and bleeding. With each treatment I can feel more pain, my skin is the worst part, it looks horrible, I'm staying out of public view for the next 3 weeks until this heals. As well I won't be able to work for the next couple of weeks because of risk of sun exposure.

Almost done!

Well, here I am, 5 more treatments to go, whew!Other than really red skin, I'm doing pretty good. At my age I can't complain,lol. The hardest part of all this is having to be there every fricking day at the same time, it really limits what one can do & where one can go. More updates after tomorrow when I see the doctor and they again run the scope down my throat....the link below is to my Flickr photo album of photos I've taken along the way......

http://www.flickr.com/photos/charlesgmurray/sets/72157604922639421/

bad start to the day today

Some mornings when I first get up I feel really bad, dizzy, sick for the first hour or so, then it all goes away.

3 weeks done!

A week and a half left, yea!!!! I'm almost there! Thus far it's not been too bad.....a little fatigue, a sore throat, and just making time in my day to be at the hospital every day......thank god there aren't any weekend treatments!

Almost 3 weeks behind me

Well, as of this writing only 10 more "fractions" to go.....I've had 15. My throat is a tiny bit sore and my swallowing has gotten worse, but at my age, I can't complain. 2 weeks left, man, it's gone by fast! My actual treatment only last 18 seconds per each side of my throat. By the time I get in, put on the mask, it's already over & I'm on my way! I am experiencing tiredness but oddly enough not at night like they said, but early in the mornings instead. I'm actually quite hyper & energized at night, even to the point that it's sometimes difficult to get to sleep. Once I get going in the mornings I'm ok, usually around 9am or so the fatigue just slips away. More later today.....

2 weeks to go, dammit!

I've been through 2 weeks of this Radiation, with 2 weeks remaining, hell yea!!!!!!!!!!! Bring it on, dammit! I rescheduled them to 4:00pm because at that time of day I'm usually finished with everything so if I'm tired it really doesn't matter. Two more freakin' weeks, wonder what I'll have to deal with next? 4 way bypass? ALS? Back Surgery?

Not doing so well this week

Man, Saturday and Sunday were tough days, no radiation treatments but I felt sooo bad....they (MD's) say NOT at all related to treatments, most likely whatever other Neuro like illness I have. I had the shakes and trembles, confusion, and was a bit "out of it". Good to know it wasn't the radiation! Only 14 more days of that and I'm done! Wonder what illness I'll have to battle next? At least I'm older so it really doesn't matter. My favourite quote rings in my head today from Abraham Lincoln...."It's not the years in your life, but the LIFE in your years" how true for me as I've truly lived each and every day like the precious gift that it is! I think back to 1995 when my dad passed, I was harassed by the IRS, got divorced, sick, moved, etc all in a 4 month time period. I took a whole year off and just sat back, thought, traveled, and relaxed, and enjoyed lots of reading, music, and tranquility. I felt guilty about doing that then, but I don't now.You just never know how many days you have......................I'll keep battling all this to the end though I'll end by saying cancer is much easier to battle(at least in my case) than any Neurological illness.

Great news/report!

Saw the Radiation Oncologist today--I'm a full week into a total of 4 weeks of treatment. They took blood, did an exam, etc...everything is progressing very well with an expected cure rate of 98%...the worst side effects I'll have are simply a sore throat, which I've ALREADY had for the past YEAR! I was lucky that this was caught in Stage T1--VERY lucky.I'm VERY pleased with all this, my doctors, the radiologists, etc, everyone is/has been so good to me! I've realized just how lucky I really am. In 1 more month I should be back to my old self for the most part.....thanks for everyone's support! I wanna go to tha beach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bring on MORE Radiation!!!!!

3 rd treatment today, hell, I'll soon have 1 week out of the 5 behind me! I LOVE the radiation, it only lasts 89 seconds, I go in, they adjust the Xray machine, the zap each side of my throat, then I'm back on the lawns! I go around 3pm weekdays...am out by 3:15. My Doctor says there's around a 70% chance that most of us will eventually get SOME kind of cancer, everybody! So, with that info and seeing the scores of folks coming in to get radiation both at Duke Raleigh but especially at Durham I certainly don't feel alone.....I should be done by the end of June then I'll be re evaluated and find out what;s next...it won't be more radiation as 5 weeks is the max I can have!!! I sure will miss it!

Gearing up for Radiation! Yippee!!!

Starting Monday at 1:30pm it's radiation time!!! We'll see how it goes, 10 minutes per day for 5 weeks!!!! I can't wait to get started!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Updates/Radiation

Went to Big Duke today and saw the head of Head & Neck Oncology, Dr David Brizel. Seems my prognosis is much better than even I thought! He did an exam, ran the scope down my throat, made some videos/photos of my Larynx, etc. He stated I need 4 weeks of MILD radiation which should cause little discomfort, only a little fatigue, nothing more. I'm having it all done in Raleigh and it's set to begin second week of May. I'm glad I went the Duke route, my experience today was incredible...they treated me like I was a famous actor! These folks are a CLASS ACT! The only bad news I have is my normal Neurological symptoms are now back, lower back trouble, headaches, numbness, tingling, shakes, etc. Back to the Neurologist next week for Evoked Potential studies, ugh. Seems all I do lately is go to medical appointments.......

Updates

Nothing new medical wise, meet the radiation guy April 23rd. Headed to the beach for a day or two...Wasted a bunch of my time on an old employee named Forrest Maconnell, that we thought wanted to return, turns out he has some mental issues and needs counseling/therapy for an addiction (Lacrosse addiction). Have you ever heard of anyone becoming a professional Lacrosse player? They only make $18,000 a year for Christ's sake!It's sad when you have someone young work for you and they do a great job, then a year later you discover they've lost most of their good qualities. I'm scared to death that these young irresponsible teenagers are the adults of our future....geesh!

Things I've learned from all this.....good & bad

First of all I've been amazed at the fact the people I thought were my best friends pretty much abandoned me during all this......a guy that's a sales coach who says he's so good at "managing his time/responsibilities" never has even called or emailed. Other people I've known for years same deal, not even a note. On the OTHER side of the coin I've had people I just met in the past few weeks step up and offer assistance. I've had girls that I once dated check in on me, people I used to work with or that worked for US, and especially the Amateur radio community has helped immensely. It's not that I NEED any help, it's just been remarkable that we've gotten so many offers from sometimes the most unlikely people.....I've also learned AGAIN, as I do every so often that nobody can or will take care of you like YOU can/should! In addition, I've also learned that because you take care of a sick friend/relative certainly doesn't mean that person will take time out for you to "pay it forward" which I find quite disappointing......oh, well, onward I will go with courage and diligence I will fight! Thanks to the many friends I never knew I had and it's good to clean house of the ones I THOUGHT I had.......

I'm feeling pretty good today, a lot of throat pain, but I'll get through it. Yesterday was a disaster, I shouldn't have been let go from the hospital as I was a lost cause, just kind of drifting around feeling like I'd been on a bad 5 day hunger strike/drunk without sleep!

surgery DONE! Good & Bad news

My surgery is complete! BUT, the cancer was far more advanced and invasive than Dr. Cohen expected. He got a considerable bit of it but is depending on 4 weeks of radiation to complete the task. I'll do whatever it takes, the radiation doesn't scare me nearly as bad as the surgery did. I go see the radiologist next Wednesday, thanks to everyone for all the support.

Susan well and back at work, Charles surgery TODAY!

Susan is finally well, turns out it was blood pressure medicine that was making her sick, her BP was 86/57, way too low. She immediately got better as soon as we stopped that medication.
My surgery is TODAY, DAMMIT!!!! I swear if I hear one more person ask me "when are you going for your surgery" or "why is your voice so bad" I'll smack them. I'm just sick of the whole Fricking thing. If it weren't for Susan & Yemom's pestering, I'd just do NOTHING and continue on as if nothing was wrong. I hate doctors, hospitals and have so many times been made worse by medical mistakes that I'm VERY nervous about all this. I know one thing, after today I'm done with all this crap, no more tests, no more Doctors visits, nothing, I'm DONE! No matter what they all say, I'm going back to work and am done with all their medical stuff...

March 28th updates

My surgery had to be postponed until April 8th, I'm on schedule for a spinal/neck MRI at Duke Monday at 11:30am which I cannot miss.

Finally see Neurologist Thursday

Well, I finally see Dr Peterson Thursday at 2:30pm, if he thinks I'm up for surgery then I'll have it Tuesday March 18th. I'm not sure what he will say...stay tuned

Seeing Neurologist today

My Surgeon thinks I should see the Neurologist today before any surgery is done and I totally agree. I won't let anyone but my Physicians make health decisions for me, NOBODY!

Damnit all

If I had just STOPPED working in the landscape business like I wanted to back in 1998 I most likely wouldn't have this throat cancer. Physicians say it was most likely caused by continued exposure to chemicals, gasoline fumes, and pesticides and solvents. Nonetheless, I have it now, it's progressively getting worse, and I'm just already tired of all of it. If I have to have radiation to my throat I will have to have a feeding tube for 3 months or more, loose most of my voice, hair and energy. Sometimes I think it's just not worth it, but I keep plugging along. Why couldn't someone ELSE have gotten this, like a prisoner, Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan. I met with a barrage of different pre op folks yesterday, anasthesia folks, doctors, nurses, oncologists, and on and on....it's all on for Tuesday March 11th 12 noon, HELL YES! Bring it on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Bring on the IV, the surgery & the radiation and hey, throw me in some Chemo too!

Rescheduled!

Everything has been rescheduled until Tuesday march 11th 1pm due to me not feeling well (cold/flu) and Duke messing up my paperwork!

What I'm afraid of.....

I'm not at all afraid of the actual cancer, but of the anesthesia and the actual surgery. I'm not even afraid of Radiation or Chemo really. I am afraid of the doctors/nurses because they are like me real people and can make mistakes. I've had my share of medical mistakes already....when my tonsils were removed at age 13 they left a pad sewn into my throat which grew into place there and later had to be removed by a VERY painful and lengthy surgery. Then, in 2001 I went in to a local hospital for an irregular heart beat (Atrial Fib) and they gave me the wrong meds and I ended up almost dying there. In 1995 I had what was supposed to be a simple spinal tap which landed me in Neuro intensive care for 6 days...so yea, I'm scared to death of doctors, nurses, and hospitals!

Is it cancer?

Not sure but both MD's I've seen say greater than 80% that it is of some kind. There are several forms of cancer that it could be, some fairly non invasive others more aggressive. No way to know until the biopsy is done and analyzed. I'm on schedule for Tuesday at 4:30pm, but this schedule requires that I not eat after midnight Monday night which just won't do. They will either have to arrange a day that's before 12 noon or something.....more after I call them tomorrow morning...

CT Scan complete!

CT was done today, now pre-op on Monday & appointment with my regular MD. Tuesday is the day--the biopsy...once we know WHAT it is we can get a game plan going!

Lawn Chemicals finally got me....

After at length discussions with my Physicians we've all come to the conclusion that it was the lawn chemicals that finally caused this cancer. I don't smoke, haven't since 1993, don't drink, haven't since 1997, and eat very healthy. The ONLY negative I have in my history of the past 7 years is continuous exposure to pesticides, insecticides, and herbicides. I've been spraying this stuff off and on since 1981. It made me sick in '81 and the same chemicals that did then I blame for this now---2-4-D, Dicamba, multiple solvents, etc. I get my CT scan done tomorrow to see how invasive this stuff really is....I've actually been feeling VERY good the past few days, we'll see what tomorrow brings...

Second Opinion from Duke today!!!

Well, I went to a specialist @ Duke North today for a second opinion on the growth in my throat, what a difference! First of all their equipment was state of the art, the people were outstanding as well. My Physician was quite young maybe 31 at most. He ran the scope down my throat and made a short video of me speaking and the growth. There exists the possibility that it just may be Verruca Cell carcinoma, this is good because this type of cancer isnt's invasive, rather it grows in an outward motion/direction and rarely if ever metastasizes to other organs or Lymph nodes. It has a high cure rate and never requires radiation. I got my blood work done today, I'd already had a clear chest X-ray yesterday & a clear liver function profile as well, just waiting on the Kidney Creatine count that was done today. Next, I'll have a full neck CT scan Friday, then Monday I'll go in for PreOp surgery exam, they'll explain anesthesia options and explain how the procedure will work Tuesday. Then, Tuesday at 4:30pm I go under & they do the biopsy. Following that we all meet back up Thursday or Friday to develop a plan depending upon the results of the biopsy. I sure hope it's Verruca, not Squamous cell. I'll post more Friday after the CT scan of the neck....If it's NOT Verruca, then he said it could be treated with either Radiation OR Surgery but with difficulty with either....:(

Verruca cell info:

Verrucous carcinoma

top

1-4% of laryngeal cancers

Has cytologic and architectural features normally associated with a reactive process, but with ability to invade normal tissue

Locally destructive, but almost never metastasizes; associated cervical adenopathy may be reactive and not metastatic disease

Usually men in 50’s to 60’s; associated with tobacco smoking or chewing

Occurs anywhere in upper aerodigestive tract

5 year survival 78% (better after surgery than radiation therapy)

May coexist with conventional squamous cell carcinoma (if both present, must treat more aggressive component)

HPV negative

Difficult diagnosis to make, particularly from biopsies

Treatment: surgery; radiation not recommended in general since ineffective and may cause anaplastic transformation

Gross: large, white-tan exophytic tumor fixed to normal structures; up to 10 cm; attached by broad base

Micro: invasive cancer with well differentiated squamous epithelium that lacks features of squamous cell carcinoma; by definition has no dysplastic features above basal zone; uniform cells without atypia or mitotic figures; marked surface keratinization (church-spire keratosis), broad rete pegs with pushing but not an infiltrative margin; may have prominent lymphoplasmacytic and histiocytic infiltrate

Micro images: A-squamous proliferation with church-spire keratosis, broad/bulbous rete pegs pushing downward into adjacent stroma; B-bland uniform cells with maturation, retention of polarity, no atypia, no increased N/C ration, no dyskeratosis

DD: papilloma, well differentiated squamous cell carcinoma, verrucous keratosis (no invasion), pseudoepitheliomatous hyperplasia, verrucae vulgaris, papillomatosis

Cancer!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, no!

Found out I have cancer in my throat last week, going today for tests, chest xray, blood work up and more.